i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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