dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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