K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
