you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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