Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
