Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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