someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
