This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
