Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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