I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
