my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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