Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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