Soap is not a condiment
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
