he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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