everyone is single if you try hard enough
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
