I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
