Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
