I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
