Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
