eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
