only if we run a train.
done.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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