Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
