turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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