In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
