So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just high enough for therapy.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
