I am puke
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
