When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
What drink are we having for lunch?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
