I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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