Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
