Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
