Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I think people are normalizing furries
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
