Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
