Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
