I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
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