Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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