allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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