I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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