can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
