Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
So. Much. Porn.
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