At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
