i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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