Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
