I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
