Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
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Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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