Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
