I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
And then my night got REAL pukey
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
