I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
