I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
