Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
