why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
it was like eating out sand paper
Come see our sink grown plant.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
