I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
