Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
