Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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