theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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