dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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