dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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