the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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