He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
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