i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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