my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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