my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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