I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
