True but thats because hes a fetus.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
