They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
