Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
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He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
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Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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