Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
